Evolution of My Crazy Bitch

There are those of you who would nail some of my favorite crazy ladies to a cross. If you do, let me know. They’d want someone to take photos. Their craziness is art and I LOVE IT!

For me it started with Wendy O’Williams. Actually it probably started with my grandmother, Mimi. Then Grace Jones! Demolition Man is my favorite but this video for La Vie En Rose give a good visual overview of her beautiful, hard ass, 21 century amazingness. Grace Jones with Pavarotti

Madonna probably had the greatest impact on me. Lucky Star came out when I needed a feisty role model. Express Yourself, Vogue (mtv awards), Human Nature are some of my favorites. Erotica and Like A Prayer are a few of the most controversial but this blew me away when I saw Madonna in Houston in 1989. It was the first time I saw drag queens in person. Yipee! I’ll spare you photos of  me with Madonna haircuts & clothing w/jelly bracelets.  Imagine.

I went out and found my own drag queens and there was a stint where I was highly influenced by the band Vixen. Laugh all you want. I was much more suited to be a metal girl than try to pull off being Madonna! Definitely some Joan Jett and Lita Ford thrown in there.

And finally we have arrived at this point. Lady Gaga. A grand answer to a missing element of music in my life for some time. I was just going to watch this one video and return to work. But I love me some crazy bitches and wanted to tell you about them! oooo la ah ha ha ah

UPDATE: I should add Annie Lennox, Amanda Palmer and the Texas Rollergirls……

Wendy O’Williams & Jesus LIVE

Wendy O Williams and Lemmy of MotorheadI am always on the dorky side of things. I knew about Robert Plant & Tall Cool One / Sea of Love before knowing or caring about Led Zepplin. I had no idea who Zakk Wilde & Mike Inez were until after 2004. I might as well have been born with a copy of “Blizzard of Ozz” by Ozzy Osbourne plugged directly into my brain & I know almost every word to any Alice in Chain song. My favorite band in high school was RATT & it would be years after college before I learned about Motorhead. I LOVED AC/DC in high school, as we could break from two-stepping at the dances. Who’s Bon Scott? I know, I know. I know who he is now! I’m sorry he died, but if people didn’t get in such a huff, I probably wouldn’t know now. It’s about the music. While I’d love to see Pink Floyd live, I could handle a decent cover version just to hear it live. Hell the Pink Floyd laser light show isn’t even a live band & we should get tickets to go right now & I don’t know all the names of all the members of Pink Floyd. Blizzard of Ozz

So I’m completely backwards ass about music, the facts, the band member’s names & all the bands they’ve been in. So what. Music makes me feel good  & I didn’t realize there would be a rock n roll written & oral exam. Geez.

All that being said, let’s rewind back to me at age 6 – 10. I was really into Jesus at this time. I was a happy, chubby, carefree kid who felt like part of Jesus’ little flock. If I could behave, he would take care of me & I could hang out with him in green pastures with all the little lambs & the Baptist church we went to in Stephenville, Tx  had a library & a basketball court. While I really liked school & church, I mainly remember hanging out in my backyard with my cocker spaniel Sluggo, making mud pies, climbing trees & swinging from my monkey swing. I also told a lot of Aggie Jokes.

Wendy O WilliamsI don’t remember the names of people in my favorite bands, don’t even know the names of most of thier songs or albums, but there’s one name I can’t forget from a very young age: Wendy O’Williams. Talk about putting some heat on the church ball court. I must have been sitting in front of the TV trying to sneak in an episode of Soap the first time Wendy O’Williams & the Plasmatics ever played on TV. HOly CRAP! ExPloSIons, CHAINsaws, leather bikinis, crotch grabbing, proFanity. Damn, it was out of control. I put her name on my mental Rolodex the first time I heard it with a note stating, “Not to be MISSED! BOOM!!!!! @$%!!/&^! Hell Yeah!”

Somehow I saw lot’s of  Ms. O’Williams sticking her balls in the face of America. I can only image what my mother thought the first time her little Baptist Angel said, “It would be funny if  grandmother & great grandmother would dress up in leather bikinis, go out in the front yard & chainsawed their TV.” I bet I laughed until I cried.

I’m sure I mentioned the 2 color mohawk & obviously I was privy to her in your face, fuck you attitude. I didn’t really see how Jesus could be upset that I watched this stuff cuz it brought me so much “Joy, Joy,  Joy down in my heart. Yes, down in my heart to stay!”

I have no idea when, but at one point my favorite/ most charismatic people were Jesus Christ & Wendy O’Williams. (close seconds, Billy Crystal on Soap with the puppet, the Jerk – Steve Martin & the King Bee – John Belushi, but I’m really saying too much.) I saw no conflict or clash between Jesus & Wendy. I thought they both ROCKED.

I don’t know when they broke the news, but one day the Sunday school teacher dropped the bomb on me Jesus had been manhandled out of the green fields of lambs & love,  treated like a criminal, nailed to a cross wearing a crown of thorns. I was SO HURT & ANGRY & just PISSED & I swung in many circles on the monkey swing trying to alleviate my distress for my friend. I think it took a while for it to all sink in & once at church after I knew it was all too true, I remember hearing something about Jesus being hung on the cross & wishing I could chainsaw something & shake my fist at everyone who did that to him. If I’d even understood the offensiveness of grabbing my crotch, I would have threw that in too!

think know a lot of people who love Jesus don’t approve of Wendy O’Williams. They  don’t feel Gods love for her in their righteous hearts, think she’s was dangerous & out of control. A sinner. A whore. A menace to the delicate minds of the youth. Yeah right. They deny they having any capacity to put on a string bikini & blow up their neighbors car. HA! But the truth is, after being hung on a cross, Jesus might like to blow off a little steam as well.

Wendy O’Williams MugshotIt’s too sad that Wendy O’Williams died from a self inflicted gun wound, but before you say it was her evil black heart & wicked ways that led to this, consider there are many Christians who shoot themselves. I would guess most of those are men because women are typically vain & want to look beautiful at their funeral. I have a feeling Wendy didn’t give a fuck about any of that. She went out like & exploding star collapsing in on itself. A Supernova occurs when a star runs out of fuel, collapses under gravity & explodes.

I feel like I’ve always known about Jesus & Wendy O’Williams. Both larger than life & meeting a tragic end. Both knew how to awe the masses & leave them speechless, wanting more.  They both caught my attention & blew my mind with the endless possibilities of the world. Maybe one day at an Ozzy Osbourne/Alice in Chains show & Ozzy will bring AIC on the stage & they will sing my favorite Pink Floyd song or Goodbye to Romance. A giant bolt of lighting will hit the stage & there will stand Jesus & Wendy O’Wiliams. You know when Jesus comes back the rapture starts & who better kick it off than the Queen of Destruction herself.

Jesus in his infinite wisdom will proclaim, “Peter, can we raise the level on the chainsaw, Wendy, we are going to need a little more cowbell. Bring on the Dogs of War

 Hey, was Jesus is Pink Floyd?

Jesus, Pink Floyd and a Dino

I’m not sure where all this came from? Satan?